Vincent van Gogh: At Eternity’s Gate.

“There is a great difference between one idler and another idler. There is someone who is an idler out of laziness and lack of character, owing to the baseness of his nature. If you like, you may take me for one of those. Then there is the other kind of idler, the idler despite himself, who is inwardly consumed by a great longing for action who does nothing because his hands are tied, because he is, so to speak, imprisoned somewhere, because he lacks what he needs to be productive, because disastrous circumstances have brought him forcibly to this end. Such a one does not always know what he can do, but he nevertheless instinctively feels, I am good for something! My existence is not without reason! I know that I could be a quite a different person! How can I be of use, how can I be of service? There is something inside me, but what can it be? He is quite another idler. If you like you may take me for one of those.”

― Vincent van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent van Gogh.

Being a Blogger can be Toilsome Sometimes.

Being a blogger could be a devious job sometimes. There might be days where you won’t even get a second to make it to your typewriter (laptop in the modern terms), because either you are too sleepy or have so much else going on in life that keeps you occupied, and then, those days where there would be so much going on in your mind that you won’t be able to sleep a wink before dribbling your anticipation on the writing area of your blog. Being a blogger is one thing, being a dedicated blogger, another. There are a lot of meticulous writers out there who create delightful content every morning.

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They seem to me like those perfect artists who set up their typewriter on the kitchen table every morning, with a kettle full of bubbling tea on the stove. The sound of clinking silver utensils in the kitchen, along with the pulsating dark and light shadows of the ivy tree as the sunlight plays hide and seek with its leaves create spell-bound environs for a perfect composition. After pouring a generous amount of tea in a mug of their favorite majestic tea set, accompanied by crispy, golden hashbrowns, they settle comfortably in the chair and start typing while sipping and munching on their divine breakfast. Ps: Breakfast can vary from person to person depending upon what appeals to them the most. For instance, talking about myself, I would definitely prefer a greasy potato waffle oozing with cheddar cheese, along with a mason jar full of whipped cream over the cold coffee.

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I have always imagined myself to be such a writer, however, being a student and that too in this catastrophic phase of the 21st Century, the ideas of being such a writer and managing my workload efficiently don’t get along really well. I am insane, sleep-deprived, deadline-bound, and extremely irritated by the messed up schedule due to never-ending online classes. However, it doesn’t matter what we have idealized and fantasized about our lives, in fact, what matters the most is either we are living our life to its fullest or not? Are we getting the best out of it, learning new things, and encountering adventures unknown to our mind and body before or not?

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What if I can’t update my feed by posting new content every day? I get to sleep more hours than the average people, which is facilitating my dark circles, bound to cook and bake during the quarantine even if I don’t want to sometimes, enhance my baking expertise while meeting up with the bulk of deadlines everyday revamp my writing prowess. It is up to us how we look at the things around us, it is our perception of looking at the things that immensely shape up our life as either positive or vice versa. When we look at our dreams and future plans that have not come true yet or were skipped/missed somehow, we denote these voids either in the sense of “deprivation,” or in the sense of “opportunity to learn and experience something else, something new, maybe better.” 

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Most of us tend to set goals and make an elevated checklist of magnificent ambitions. It’s great to have goals, to plan one step ahead, and to dream big. However, dwelling so much into those ambitions that they start ruling your emotions and mental stability is toxic. Aim for a better tomorrow but try to make the best out of today. Make sure that your tomorrow is conjoined and linked with your present somehow because only then your life can transition smoothly from one phase to another, slowly and gradually. Aiming for the stars when you have just gotten out of the bed doesn’t make sense, does it? Obviously not! For that, you have to get up, knead your sparkling eyes that have just woken up from a peaceful stroll in the dreamland’s serene prairies, and prepare them to witness the same, dull reality of life. We shall take one step at a time to reach our final destination.

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Feeling lazy? Sleep. An overdose of energy is boosting up your morale? Do whatever you feel like investing your energies in. Do your homework, prepare for the quiz, complete your pending assignments, take a stroll in the evening, bake your favorite cake, relish on hearty dinner with your family, laugh your lungs out, do gardening, water your mini cactus, earn money, freelance, or simply make yourself a refreshing cup of coffee as a sweet treat because you deserve all the self-care, inner peace, and self-love in this world. Moreover, trust me it is not considered as the selfishness by any means. It is a physical and emotional need of every human but sadly, most of us don’t realize the rights of our body and mind. Amid the buzz of keeping everyone around us happy, meeting the deadlines, writing for others, making somebody’s day, texting to check up on others, cooking and baking to share the love and strengthen the family bonds, the infringement of these major rights lead us to inner dissatisfaction, which grows stronger and overwhelming with time, without us realizing the reason behind this distress. Do whatever makes you happy and that is the only secret ingredient that will make your cauldron of happiness bubble and bubble.

Adios,

xoxo.

Vincent van Gogh: Dear Theo.

“I know well that healing comes-if one is brave-from within, through profound resignation to suffering and death, through the surrender of your own will and of your self-love. But that is of no use to me; I love to paint, to see people and things and everything that makes our life-artificial, if you like. Yes, real life would be a different thing, but I do not belong to that category of souls who are ready to live and also at any moment to suffer. I am everything but courageous in sorrow, and everything but patient when I am not feeling well, though I have rather a good deal of patience in keeping to my work.”

― Vincent van Gogh, Dear Theo.

The Complete Letters of Vincent van Gogh.

“If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.”

―Vincent Van Gogh

Life: A Carousel of Old and New

While scrolling the picture carousel on my cell-phone, I re-lived each and every moment of my life so far. Desperately and passionately we tend to make memories because they say that memories never die. They don’t, I agree, but why didn’t anybody tell us that the memories sure do live, however, the people we make memories with, would all leave. Not all, I would like to add, some stays.

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I still remember how I struggled so hard to convince my dad for purchasing a vintage polaroid camera. “We liberate our life by capturing the moments in it,” I exclaimed enthrallingly to him. However, I was too innocent to understand the weird, mean smirk on his face at that time which low-key offended me and I confess calling my dad a boring sloth who doesn’t get excited that easily as me. Some lessons are learned throughout our lives, slowly and gradually, whereas, some lessons are hard-learned and they are the ones that tend to hurt the most. 

 

Scrolling down the pictures, as we say in sciences, I only found some constant variables as my Family and some friends, while the rest of the variables kept on changing with time, age, and distances. The pictures of our secondary school graduation were full of colors and uniform artistry that said very main-stream things like “Forget me not,” “You will always be my best friend” and the funniest expression in this world, “I would never be able to forget you.” Looking at the pictures of postcards and signed uniforms full of such humorous slogans made me feel awfully mesmerized as well as low-key wicked when I realized that none of those “best friends forever” are anywhere to be seen now. None of them contact me, and neither do I. There have been strange incidents where my best friend crossed me and didn’t even bother to say hello to me because she was with her new fam-jam and best friends forever, while I was with mine. 

They say that if one is out of sight, consider him out of the mind too. I would religiously preach this notion because distance tends to change everything; how we feel about each other, how much do we care, how much time we give to one another and the list is long. We even forget the faces of each other in no time and if someday, and that too by chance, we see each other in our dreams, for the rest of that day we can’t believe that we actually remembered the face of our best friend from grade 5 who ate, slept, studied for 7 hours daily, played, did homework, quarreled, went to the cafeteria, and even bathroom with us for whole 5 years. Insane, right?

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This is how we humans have been programmed. We might call it cruel but believe me it is the best feature available in the market so far. If our mind chips did not have this inbuilt feature of forgetfulness, trust me most of us would have been living in dire misery. We forget so that we could move on. We forget so that we could start fresh, bring the change that we couldn’t yesterday in our devastated lives. A day could be spell-boundingly ecstatic and you might never want to forget even a single moment spent in it, however, another day could be a real-life “living on the edge’ kind of experience and you don’t even like to remember a single second of it. Joy can be found even in the dirtiest corners of a broken house. However, misery is something that can leave ever-lasting imprints on your mind that can only be wiped off with the soothing touch of new, happy memories. So just liberate your mind, and let go of all the happy and the sad moments in your life because the moments that were actually happy can always be felt close to your heart, and the moments that deprived you of happiness, they are not worth remembering at all except the lessons that they taught you.

Life is a spinning carousel of the old and the new. Now I understand the smirk on my father’s face and are well-aware of why he didn’t get excited that easily upon meeting new people and exploring new things, it’s because he had more people out of his life than were in his life at that point. It’s because his carousel had spun longer than mine.

Vincent van Gogh: Country Road in Provence by Night.

“Looking at the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map.

Why, I ask myself, shouldn’t the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France?

Just as we take a train to get to Tarascon or Rouen, we take death to reach a star. We cannot get to a star while we are alive any more than we can take the train when we are dead. So to me it seems possible that cholera, tuberculosis and cancer are the celestial means of locomotion. Just as steamboats, buses, and railways are the terrestrial means.

To die quietly of old age would be to go there on foot.”

― Vincent van Gogh

To Theo van Gogh: 21 July 1882

“What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person — somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then — even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart. That is my ambition, based less on resentment than on love in spite of everything, based more on a feeling of serenity than on passion. Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, in the dirtiest corners. And my mind is driven towards these things with an irresistible momentum.”

― Vincent Van Gogh