Do you still remember the days when dandelions were “wish”, when satellites were the roaming stars and when evening was the time when we hated our mothers the most for calling us back inside home?
Cuddled inside the warm blanket, updating social media, along with clusters of books and bundles of tangled chargers, we all grew up forgetting the sweet promises of childhood that we once made in our carefree days.
Shutting down the laptop, I finally paved my way out of the library, to the roof of my house. As I gripped the handle of the attic door which was stiffened since I was 6 years old, a sudden flashback hit my mind where I stood as a little girl for whom opening this stiff door was the most difficult task to do. I was holding a cup of tea in my hand, while with one hand, I opened the door quite easily. As soon as I opened the door, a quick splash of frosty breeze hurdled inside and hugged me as if welcoming me after a long time.
I started to walk around the roof top while sipping my tea. The sky was full of kites and chuckles of young boys who were flying the kites brightened up the atmosphere. To them, this was it, but for me, much was lost, and so many things were to come. My younger sister ran around me like a fluttering butterfly that has to cover journeys and unleash the future mysteries. While a twenty two year old me felt like a heavy stone, unable to move due to the burdens and responsibilities that I have now.
Childhood means simplicity. Look at the world with the child’s eye – it is very beautiful.
My eyes were fixed on the house next door where Umaima used to live once. I remember we laughed, we cried, we fought and played all night long, together. Armughan used to live just near Umaima’s house, and Saad lived next to mine. There was no Kumail, who roamed around in the street wearing fancy superhero costume with a rifle in his hand, scaring the kids away.
The glimmer of the candles and the flicker of the flame still burned fresh in my mind when I looked at the burned wax that stained our rooftop sills. The wax stains are painted permanently but those who burned them, and danced around, and celebrated the festivity are gone. I still remember the national anthems that we sang out aloud, in the form of groups, on each independence day. How we burnt the firecrackers and giggled when that of our rivals’ failed to launch. How we set the line and threw crackers towards each other without trespassing the territories. We never cared about whatever we were wearing, how pathetic we were looking, I remember many of us came straight out of our beds with our drool marks over the face.
“Catch the Kite before it falls!”, a sudden faraway announcement shuddered me back from the memory lane. I saw that the voice was of one of my childhood enemies.
“Oh wow! he grew up beautifully from a bugs bunny with two teeth flashing out of his mouth to a hunk”, my mind chuckled. I remember all the kids in the street were divided into different squads and each squad had its territory. If a squad tried to trespass, then moms had to come for the rescue.We fought like animals, and laughed like there is no tomorrow.
But one day we came to know that Armughan’s family is moving to the States. Everything started to change when Armughan left. Saad decided not to play with us anymore because he was a single grown up boy and we were plenty of girls. Later after, Saad’s father died and he also moved away. After some years, Umaima’s family also moved to USA.
I spent my whole childhood wishing I were older and now I’m spending my adulthood wishing I were younger.
Slowly and gradually, our late night chattering in the streets, playing hide and seek in the hours of load shedding, racing on our bicycles, boasting of skating skills, everything came to an end. My mother started fearing the new neighbors and restricted us inside the home.
I remember the last day when I was playing badminton with my younger sister, a boy on the motorbike stopped just beside me and said something nonsense.
That was the day when I thought that I should better stay inside rather than embarrassing myself in front of the children.
Soon after, I got admission in the university, and then my life took a major turn when realities of life started revealing themselves in front of me. My personality shattered and built up many times, my heart broke and filled with happiness throughout, I felt happy and sad for almost umpteen times from then. I miss how carefree we were, how adulthood was a fantasy and we imitated the roles of mother, father, and university going adults while playing in the streets. How happy we used to be, how we skipped our homework and played for hours and hours until our mothers dragged us inside, sweating and chuckling, promising each other to meet tomorrow.
But we all know, that some tomorrows never come, some promises are never fulfilled, and some dreams never come true. Memories stay by, but the people who made them eventually fade away. And a time come when you stand alone wondering where would my friends be at this time? What will they be doing right now? Do they miss me as well or by any chance for an instance, think about what we used to be?
I believe that childhood is not only a time or a phase, in fact, it is a feeling, an emotion that can never die. It is like a flame that always burns inside our heart and mind. Although we might not feel the heat because we are so lost in this cold world, but the warmth and the genuineness of our childhood is always there to embrace you, when you look back at it.
With the dying evening, I stand still amid the cold breeze that is piercing my body, wondering if I can do justice with penning down my feelings of my Childhood Nostalgia.
