Last night was darker than usual. Devouring my heart, it pierced all of my energy into pieces as I stood in the window of my kitchen, after washing all the dishes and drying the washbasin. I have no clue for how many minutes did I stand there wondering if something is wrong with me or is it really a depressing night. When I turned back to enter the dining room, something pulled me back and I glanced at the window once again. My heart was beating faster than normal so I turned on the light that lit up my balcony but that light highlighted the darkness in the street even more. The main reason for turning on the light was to make sure the passers-by might be able to see the path in darkness. Like people, all the lamp posts were in deep slumber thus making it very dark for the people to walk carefully in the street at night. There is also a possibility of the porcupine or pigs movement in our streets which could be quite a dangerous experience.

The night brought upon me sheer gloominess and hit me hard like anesthesia of depression. I prayed silently for all the poor people in this world. All the families and lonesome kids, naked infants, and jobless adults. Every night, when we follow our skincare routine or are even brushing our teeth with a minty toothpaste, many young girls are being raped in the darkness, many kids are being killed by their own parents just because they can’t feed them. So many men cry while looking at their adorable infants starving for a drop of milk. 

Many beautiful girls stand by the road-side to get a rich-bait so that they can eat bread in the morning.

This world is a beautiful place to live in, but a gruesome nightmare at the same time. Most of us are able to protect ourselves from the harsh side of this cruel world by surrounding ourselves with four walls, a roof, and a neverending warmth and love of our parents. Our fathers, however feeble or old, are that lock on the door that nobody can ever break open. Our mothers are that blanket of warmth that can never let us catch a cold. Our siblings are that painting on the wall that always brightens up our day even if the sky is grey. We have no clue how lucky we are and how many blessings God showers upon us. It is not that we God loves us more and less to them, but because he chose us for a mission. A mission to make this world a better place. Be the light in somebody’s darkest night because God could have made you from one of them.

Dearest Fear,

I have been encountering you in many fields of my life. Sometimes in the form of boogey-man beneath my bed, another day, when my eyes were closed while shampooing my hair, I felt there is someone behind me, watching with long nails ready to pierce through my ribs. 

“Fear is a constant feeling of horror that clings to our ribs throughout our lives.”

This feeling dominates in the times especially when we are alone and depressed. I can bet that each and every person on this planet has a different definition of fear. For me, it could be a ladybird entering my brain through my nose, for someone else, it could be losing their loved ones, rejection, mockery, disrespect, defamation, heights, depths, water, buildings, earthquakes, and what not. 

Despite the fact that fear feels so so real, and even at times it deems to take us inside our graves. However, fear is just a delusion that one can easily overcome by one and only “Encounter.” If you fear something, keep this thing in mind that it is just a misinterpretation of reality. That nothing about fear is real, you are living, breathing and conscious. You can beat any danger, any trial, any challenge. All you have to do is to believe in yourself and be confident. Fear fades like a vulnerable flame of the candle that can die with a single blow of courage. And after that, nobody can stop you from achieving your goals.

Well, the reason that I am writing to you is that I got rid of one of my fears tonight.

You recognize this arched monkey climber? This is what I feared the most whenever I stepped inside any playground since my early days. Today, after 22 years of my life, I finally overcame this fear. I climbed halfway through it the first day, increased one rod the other day, hung like a monkey on the top rod on the third day, screamed to my sisters for help, felt like I am gonna seep through the gaps like a slime 😀 But finally, I was able to do it with a hard lump in my stomach tonight. I got it! 

What I actually did was that I made it very clear to myself that it is just a feeling that I can seep through the gaps. This has got nothing to do with the reality as I am big enough not to fall down 😀 It took me so long to make it through but once I completed the whole arch, I ran to do it again. And I climbed it three times in a row then.

Other than this, I recently got an interview call for internship from one of the summer schools. Now, I have this specific feeling of discomfort, awkwardness, and indecisiveness. I don’t know what to do, either to go for the interview or not, what would happen, what if they don’t like my answers, what if  I broke down there and if I had a panic attack, and much more is going on inside my mind at the moment. This fear can only be defeated by appearing for the interview and I am looking forward to that. Let’s hope for the best!

Heya beautiful souls, I hope you are living a fearless life with a lot of positivity and propagative activities going on around you. It is just a sweet reminder to believe in yourself and to conquer the dark territory of fear with that light inside you. The light of positivity!

Adios,

xoxo.