Think Pink

A divorced daughter is better than a dead daughter

by Zarbakht Bilal

“Dear parents please welcome your daughters back from failed marriages. A divorced daughter is better than a dead daughter.”

These lines caught my attention this morning while scrolling through Instagram. It took a couple of hours for me to process this whole statement that one of the Police IGs made today. Reading this heart-wrenching statement reminded me of something my parents usually say to me: “Listen, girl, if you marry a guy of your choice, all the consequences will be your responsibility then. We won’t take accountability to any of your conflicts and it would be totally up to you how you manage to settle your life, however miserable. You have to make this marriage work out at any cost. However, if you marry someone of our choice, we will take care of everything that has to do with your life, after marriage, be it a divorce. Because then, it would be our responsibility to take care of you.” After bombarding me with these devouring words, my father said very kindly to me: “It is up to you if you marry that guy of your choice, we are giving you a free-will to marry whoever you want to.”

Upon inquiring, I came to know that most of the girls tend to hear the same lines from their parents; whenever they put forth a proposal of their own choice above what their parents had decided from them. A few years back, I researched “Generation Gap” and came up with a conclusion that most of these daughter-parents understanding issues are the result of a huge generation gap between them and their parents.

Parents always wish the best for you and leave no stones unturned to provide you with perfection. However, they fail to understand that no matter how grown-up their daughters are, they will always need a mother’s shoulder to cry on and a father’s most generous hug to forget all the worries.

Daughters are not just a creation, but an emotion, and a whole new feeling. They can light up your day by making you something delicious to eat. Buy their mothers hand-creams and body lotions to keep their all-day-working-hard skin moisturized. Give their fathers updated fragrances in presents so that they might feel presentable in front of their colleagues. Even if some daughters like me are shy enough to tell their parents how much they love them, they always pray for their parents’ long life. Even the slightest notion of something bad happening to their fathers can lead them to cry for several minutes. Though some of them fight all the time with their mothers, they also miss their mothers the most when they are not at home.

Our parents go through a lot for us and they have a complete right to expect the whole world in return. However, sometimes, parents completely sabotage all the efforts that their daughters are making for them by making them realize that they are somewhat weak. That they are nothing but a subordinate of their fathers before marriage and of their husbands afterward. After all those years of love and care, they shatter their daughters’ pride for once and for all.

I have heard many mothers saying such things that not only crunch their daughters’ pride like a trash paper but also question their whole existence. This feeling is as if you created something with pure love, cherished it throughout your life just to abominate it in the end. Sarah was going to her Aunt’s house on the day of Eid when her father loathed her just because she wore a lot of makeup. He exclaimed in anger that Sarah and her sisters were, in fact, a disgrace for him as he feels shame to introduce them to others because of how bold they look (due to makeup). Zoha has four sisters and no brother. Her mother doesn’t allow her sisters to hang out with their cousins just because they don’t have a brother to take care while away from home.
A Mother is the best friend of her daughter. The one who always gives confidence to her girls. Tells them that they are adored by her and no matter what, she will always cherish them the most. Daughters are like the wandering ship in the deepest and darkest ocean that beholds perilous mysteries. They always look up to the lighthouse for guidance which is none other than their mother. Now imagine what happens to the wandering ship that was looking up to a single lighthouse throughout its journey, but suddenly loses its sight?
Do you know what happens to a daughter who is cherished the most by her parents throughout her life, as a toddler and a grown-up until the time she came of age, suddenly deserted by her parents? She calls out for someone badly and usually ends up in the wrong hands. Frightened by what her parents would say, starts hiding things from you. She suffers from depression yet pretends that she is okay and everything is fine and smooth. She smokes a cigarette in her bathroom to camouflage the ugly realities of life with the shield of dull grey smoke. Even if she marries the dream of her life, things don’t work out sometimes.

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Even the happiest marriages can fail at times, even the wealthiest and richest husbands fail to provide their wives with happiness sometimes. Life is uncertain but the only thing that is pure and free of doubts is the love of parents for their daughters. Relationships can fail at times but the thing that always works out is the support system of your parents. Depriving your daughters of this last support means that a perilous fate awaits them.
Many young girls die in domestic violence, acid attacks, and honor-killings. Other majority commits suicide because they married the guy whom their parents didn’t approve in the first place, and mentioned at the progression that she will be responsible for any kind of consequences, or in worst cases disown them. This is a terrible reality and something has to be done against this. I believe that mother-counseling for pregnant women is necessary for Pakistan like many developed countries out there where mothers are given pep-talks about how to raise a child, and in the longer run, to take care of them, to understand them and to listen to whatever they feel like. Parents should extend a hand of friendship towards their children, with a core principle of “Friends don’t lie” as we all saw in “Stranger Things.”

Our government needs to do something against this issue because seeing your beautiful daughter dead, with the bruises that she got on her neck while strangling herself to death would not be easy. The flashbacks of her cheery and full of youth smile would devour her mother’s heart upon finding that these plump, chapped lips would be buried under the coarse soil. Her hands will tremble while bathing her daughter for the last time, with her long and beautiful hair lying low on the floor that she would never be able to comb again. She will cry your heart out, but nothing will matter to release her from an eternal pain anymore.

Shoutout to all the lovely daughters out there! I love you all and you are the most spectacular creation of God.
Adios,
xoxo <3
Think Pink

Sparkle dust on the chapter of our love life | Things that we do and what we should actually do | A clearer picture of relationships.

by Zarbakht Bilal

Do true relationships really exist? Asked one of the girls in my class. I was amazed and surprised at the same time by this most confusing question that I ever encountered in my whole life. At the same night, I was lying on my couch while staring at the sparkling constellation. The same question came to my mind so I dialed my sweetheart’s number right away. I bombarded him with the same question suddenly. Sweetie, do the true relationships really exist? He was so confused that I got no difficulty in imagining his awkward face. Ummm… He replied, I guess Yes! We are in a true relationship baby girl. What are you talking about? Do you have any doubts about it? Definitely not, I replied though I didn’t get my answer. Everything in this universe is unpredictable and so we are ourselves. We can’t say what might come to us and when. Sometimes what we think to be perfect for us is the start of our downfall. In this article, I will try to explain what true love actually is, what are the confusions we encounter in our everyday life and how can we avoid them.

Love at the first sight:

 

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I always had this strong belief in love at first sight and many times it happened to me as well. Love, at first sight, does exist and it might feel like magic, but it is none less than a mere illusion. Yes, we can say attraction or charm, addiction or lust at the first sight but love is a much sacred and a complex entity to develop in such a short span of time. I always believed that yes, this is my love at the first sight and the same happened with many of my friends. Remember, love can never be terminated. Love always suffers, take turns, burns and requires sacrifice. 

Just like a diamond is cut, polished, broken and hammered to attain its originality, true love is also formed slowly and eventually but for the rest of your life.

There was a class fellow of mine who fell in love with me (as he claimed) and proposed me right away. I wasn’t so sure if I even had a spark for him and our friendship continued with continuous bombardment of the one-sided feelings from his side. Slowly and gradually I also started feeling like I have this strange connection with him. (as assumed by me) Eventually, after a few months, we were in a relationship. (what we thought it to be) After a few more months, I realized that he had a lot of trust issues and many insecurities regarding me. Obviously, this wasn’t gonna work so we parted our ways just after a year or so.

Immaturity:

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The aforementioned topic of love at the first sight is mainly responsible for immaturity in our relationships. We confuse charm and inclination, need and pleasure with love and get ready to give our everything to this supposed partner of ours. While, after a short span of time, when this assumed relationship ends, we have nothing to gain but a lot much to lose. Trust me guys, love isn’t an easy thing to do. Love is all about compromises, sacrifices, and difficulties. Take it easy and take it slow so that the fruit might come out as you want it to be. Then even if the relationship terminates, get over it because it was never supposed to be yours. He/She wasn’t the right person for you. Usually, girls and guys move on to this new trend of “how dare you ditched me” by spreading hate, taking revenge and keeping grudges so that they might destroy the other person’s life. This utter immaturity leads many people to become hopeless about relationships also, leaving them with trust issues regarding relationships and friends. 

He, who is yours, will never leave. And the one who leaves, was never yours!

False Expectations:

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Expectations develop naturally when you care for somebody. False expectations are the major source of disappointments and insecurities when it comes to relationships. If my husband is a clerk at some government institute and I expect him to bring me expensive presents every night, this is totally stupid. You are not deceiving anyone but yourself. You must swim with the flow of the river if you want to sail your ferry of love smoothly. Don’t try to swim against the currents as it will only invite pessimism and destruction. 

Rosina got married to a kebab seller who didn’t earn a good deal. Rosina was a wise lady, she never looked down upon her husband or cursed fate. In fact, she accepted the realities of life and worked hard throughout the days and nights. She decorated her small cottage, polished it into a perfect vintage fashion and asked her husband to offer free tea to his customers with kebab orders to attract a bigger crowd. Rosina and her husband opened a tiny retro kebab cafe in their small cottage. Slowly and gradually, their cafe got a partnership with the famous interior decorators in the town. Rosina’s cafe became a cozy nook for people and finally got sold for a million dollars.

Now think of viceversa. What would have happened if Rosina had those false expectations from her husband? See, I know, we all look at those happy couples daily on Instagram hanging out at expensive restaurants, spending vacations abroad, traveling to exotic destinations, doing luxury wine and dines and what not. But this isn’t it. They might have different troubles in their life. Just stop cursing your fate and developing them sky scrapping false expectations. Our husbands and boyfriends are already going beyond their strength and limits to put that stupid smile on our face. Did you ever feel the pain they get when you demand something that they fail to bring for you? Just think of it! 🙁

Comparisons:

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“The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

-Steven Furtick

While I was on a vacation with my sweetheart, we saw a handsome man surfing on the high tides. He is flawless, look at his moves hon! Don’t you think he looks hot while performing his surfing stunts? I always wanted to see you surfing like him. How do you think is my man going to react now? 😀

Now think vice-versa, Honey look at that man over there! I believe you can surf better than him. I want to watch my man surfing over there instead of that ordinary sea surfer. I bet you that my man is going to jump out of his seat to grab that silly surfing board.

This is how it works. And I guess it is highly unethical to make comparisons. It is as if you are expecting the water to become milk. We all are different and we are supposed to be different because if everybody will fly to the moon, who will stay on the earth? If you are unhappy with your partner, try to mould him into your desired shape rather than trying to make him a whole new thing. Remember, it will only break the other person. Comparisons always bring opposition and stubborn attitudes with them. I will definitely help my mom with the dishes if she asks me to but I swear I ain’t gonna touch a single dish if she sticks to this comparison game by saying: Look at Meryem, she helps me the whole day while you sit idle just doing nothing. 😀 (I know my sister will definitely curse me while reading this) Haha 😀

Stick more, complain less:

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Complaining are only for the weak. In true relationships, there is no complain, there is no blame game, but only courage, hope, sharing, and trust. If I talk about myself, I am that clumsy partner who always messes up the things, creates complications unintentionally, causes problems for my other half and am completely unable to control myself when it comes to public dealing. So whenever anything goes wrong, it is not only my fault but my partner is also accountable for this as he didn’t keep a check on my activities in the first place and when something is totally messed up, I am a victim of his anger 😀 It is actually cute because he is very possessive about me but his method is not right at all. I am a traveling type of person who never wants to miss any conference, seminars, workshops, volunteering, internships while he thinks counterwise that I must stay away from the public because of my clumsy attitude 🙁 Trust me, boy, I want you to travel places with me rather than criticizing later on. Please? 😀 Well, Stick to each other, help each other, cooperate, communicate and talk your heart out, share your opinions and thoughts while learning and growing with each other. This decreases the causes of complaining to the lowest level while strengthening up your bonding 🙂

Make the silence comfortable:

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I am sorry honey but I need a break! 

Never say this! Like never ever say this to your partner. This is the instant heartbreaking formula. I would embrace a breakup than being bombarded cruelly with this line. See, we all need a time, a break from almost everything. Even from our own selves. Being rational and more reluctant towards the natural phenomenon of human life is more important because we are humans first then anything else. Our physical and sexual needs, sleeping and eating, relaxing and being comfortable are the first priority. You can never live happily causing discomfort to the other person. It is as if a couple goes out to the honeymoon and ends up stuck in a jungle full of snakes and scorpions at night. Do you expect them doing sex talks or cuddling each other in this ambiance of lovely snakes and magical scorpions? 😀 Naaah! They would spend the whole night calling for help, shuddering and looking out of the car’s window. That’s how we humans are. Our exterior is the direct reflection of our interior all we need is a charity eye who could understand us and know when and how to give space 🙂

No matter how much you both love each other, we all need time and space to think about ourselves, about the future, regret the past, mourn over the loss and to fill the voids. These voids cannot be necessarily about your love life but could also be regarding your personality, self-esteem, family problems, relationships, and independence. For example, sometimes I need space to think about my future, my education, job, how to support my parents, how could I manage my own expenses, my family planning, my marriage, my personality, my societal status, my insecurities, my independence and much much more for which I need time. I need time to cry sometimes and to pray to God, to talk to him and mourn over my sins, to ask for forgiveness about my misbehaviors with his mankind. I also need time to feel the happiness, cherish and digest it. I think that we also need time to digest happiness and sorrows before feeling them completely. For this all, I need time. I need space. And if I don’t get it often, I can never be comfortable with my relationship and my life.

 

I wish you all a magical relationship full of fairytale adventures and lovely unicorns. Just take care of your partners and never let them down. Say sorry on and off and try to avoid repeating the same mistakes. I would also love to say a hidden sorry to my darling through this post because he usually complains that I give more time to my website and lesser to him 😀 <3

Adios xx