Lack of respect for each other’s stance creates hollow Parent-Children relationships.
I know this is unusual, but today I wanted to share something about myself with you guys. I have been thinking about writing a biography lately yet I didn’t get enough time to write one. Starting off with my family, I am the eldest daughter of my parents and the eldest sister to four beautiful and gorgeous sisters. Being eldest is the most difficult experience in this world, be it a daughter, sister, brother, son, friend, or whatever. I have always heard my friends, who are eldest children of their parents, rant about the strictness, hardships, conflicts and what not and most of the times we were in an agreement.
Frankly speaking, there have been many hardships in my life, even there came a time when I wanted to run away from my own home, my own parents and family. Since my secondary school, I found myself in constant conflicts with my mother for no particular reason. For instance, if she said black, I said white, if I say black, she says otherwise. As I grew up, I observed that our conflicts turned into bigger and intense versions of the old, stupid and foolish ones. Our conflicts grew up to an extent where one day my mother blew up and I can not explain how gruesome the consequences were. 😀
On that very day, my mother and I realized that it isn’t just me and her who are in constant disagreement, it is our ideologies, our mindsets, and our personalities that differ. Despite the fact that we love and respect each other, none of us is right or wrong, it’s just that we are different, and being different isn’t always bad.
I remember many nights when I slept crying, my pillow literally drenched in tears while telling God that I love my mom but due to some reason, we both don’t get along well. I prayed to God for her better health and long life, yet I was never able to hug her or tell her what’s inside my heart, how close I actually feel to her. On the other hand, I know that my mother low key loves me too and takes care of every single wish of mine. I remember that even after the tiniest argument of ours, she used to cook my favorite dish in the dinner and I appreciated. I never remember that we held a grudge or bad feelings for each other ever. Our biggest argument lasts for an hour or so and we are normal again, happier than ever!
The basic motive of sharing this post is to help all the struggling elder children and their parents to understand that this happens in almost every home. If not in yours, maybe in the home next door, but it happens everywhere, with everyone. The relationship of parents and children is the only real passion in this world and there is no purer and genuine emotion than this, to be honest. Every acquaintance, every infatuation is selfish and dependent, yet one’s relationship with parents is eternal, free of bounds and constraints, and selfless.
One of the major reasons of parent-children conflict is lack of or less respect for each other’s stance. Basically, parents think that they are more learned and experienced than their kids, so what their kids are thinking, and feeling is an illusion or something, so they need to terminate this non-sense. I would never say that parents know less than their kids, of course, they have invested a larger amount of time in this world to get to know things, people and how everything works. They worked hard to bring us into this world, take better care of us and give us all the luxuries we can possibly think of. While doing so much for us, they start expecting so much from us to an extent where they think that their kids don’t have a stance, and only they know what is better for their children. In this process, when parents continuously suppress the voice that is screaming inside the brain of a child, the child tends to become rebellious. This rebellion is then counted as disobedience by the parents, while the child thinks that he hates his parents or that his parents aren’t good enough.
As we grow up, we come to know that literally 99.9/100 times, our parents were right and we were wrong. That age always comes when you turn back to your parents for thorough guidance and an open discussion. I am now entering that age group, and many things are getting clearer to me. Many knots are opening, many mysteries are getting solved. I made many decisions that were not advantageous for me, I chose many things that turned against me. All the conflicts between me and my mom faded away with time. We became more like friends with the passage of time because she started giving importance to my words, my opinions, and my choices. Instead of telling me to “quit”, she gave me ideas to modify, and the reasons to give a second thought to the choices I made. So don’t worry girls and boys! Your parents are just worried about you and that is it. Once they are convinced that their kids can make safe choices and are ready to face this cruel world, they will start giving more weight to your opinions.
Guys, there is no need to panic, I know the eldest children have to endure so much, they have to give sacrifices and go through so many troubles to open up the gates of comfort and ease for their younger siblings. I remember my dad didn’t allow me to use the internet after 9 at night and used to turn off the router at 9:00 PM sharp. I remember my efforts to extend the curfew, how I endured scoldings and harsh comments of my parents 😀 But those efforts bore the fruit for my younger sisters, now we can use the internet throughout the night, without any disturbance or conflicts. This is the minor most example, there are much more intense examples that I wouldn’t share here, but things got on the track slowly and gradually. Don’t panic, don’t feel lonely and anxious, your parents love you a lot, even more than themselves. Haha! Make sure to love yourself and love your family without any doubts in your mind, because no matter how hard you try, your heart will bleed the same blood as theirs.
If anything happens again, Just take a deep breath and say:
